You are not just one story.
Ever heard someone say, “Find your story“? It’s a popular thing for trainers, coaches and so on at the moment. It means they can then sell you something to do just that.
But “Finding your story” is based on the assumption that there’s one defining narrative that sums up who we are — a neat little package with a single label. You might be labelled as a refugee, a mother, or a scientist. (Pretty obvious, right?)
So what’s the problem with “your story”?
Life isn’t that simple.
We’re not just one story; we’re a whole bunch, right?
Imagine this: you’re a refugee, a mother, and a scientist all at once. Yeah, I know—it sounds like a wild combo. But that’s the reality for many of us… Well not that particular combination but the idea is common. Our identities aren’t limited to a single category; they overlap and intertwine, shaping who we are and how we navigate the world.
The different bits of “your story”
Here’s the thing, identities aren’t like concrete blocks. They’re more fluid, and which bit of our identity we use depends on what you’re doing at the time. When you’re tucking your beloved child into bed, you’re all about being a loving, nurturing mother, not a research scientist (unless your kid’s got some wild questions about the universe!). Our identities adapt and take centre stage based on the roles we play in different moments of our lives.
When we embrace all the stories within us, we tap into our “superpower”—a unique blend of strengths and perspectives. Think about it:
- as a refugee, you’ve likely developed resilience and empathy
- as a mother, you’ve got a whole toolbox of patience and nurturing skills (You have, right? Right?)
- and as a scientist, you bring inquisitiveness, critical thinking, and problem-solving.
When you bring those thing together, magic happens. (And yes, I know that even within those identities there are sub-identities, such as social scientist, empirisist, qualitative etc – which kind of proves my point!)
That magic combination is you. You’re at the centre of the venn diagram.
The real you is messy, intricate, and (probably!) beautiful. When we embrace our complexity, I think of it as honouring the diverse experiences that make us what we are.
And at risk of getting sentimental, we, the world and our presentations are all the better for that!
What does that mean for ‘find your story’ stuff?
The world loves to put people in boxes, sadly, and I want to make two points here.
Firstly… We’re not one-dimensional beings We’re complex, evolving creatures with a multitude of stories within us. If you buy into the “find your story” stuff I’d argue that it’s actually not a journey of discovery – it’s a limiting box/trap.
Call me a research scientist and I start to behave like a research scientist!
Call me a mother and I start to behave as… well in my case I behave like a father, but you get the idea 😉
The world is replete with problems that have been solved by a tool or technique from another discipline. Thinking along linear lines can only get you so far. Operating theatres owe a debt to Formula 1 pit crews, for example.
Secondly… More importantly, from my perspective as a storyteller is that the audience rarely cares about “your story”. They care about the content and “what’s in it for me”.
You know that bit at the beginning of presentations when someone tells you a little bit about them as context and you get bored waiting for the content you came for? Well yeah, everyone else is just waiting for the interesting stuff to start, too.
Harsh, I know, and a generalisation, but for business presentations in particular it’s something to stand by.
What’s the (better) alternative?
I’m in two minds here. Is this blog about personal development or about using stories better in your presentations, marketing and so on? I’m trying ot ride two horses. If we take the personal development angle I think I’ve covered it though – all that you have been is what’s got you here. So let’s concentrate on the other thing – using stories.
Instead of “finding your story” shift to finding the stories in your day. You’re complicated, so the stories you find are going to be disparate. And audiences love variety. If you’re talking about how to apply and idea in area X, and you slip in a story of how the ideas apply in area Y as well, it gives that idea more credibility. People can trust it more.
It’s sort of on a “if it’s good enough for them it’s good enough for you” basis.
For example, I was recently giving a group some advice on how to handle the pressure of nerves and while I was explaining how to do Progressive Muscle Relaxation, I mentioned that I’ve been told it was used by NASA’s shuttle pilots as they prepared to navigate re-entry. If it’s good enough for a literal life-or-death situation it’s good enough for a presentation, which is only metaphorically life-or-death.
If you’re talking about defusing conflict at work, throwing in a story as your role as a mother calming down a hysterical teenager gives the idea more credence.
That means of course that you need lots of smaller stories. If the NASA story hadn’t landed I’ve got others that make the same point and I’d have thrown one of them in.
There’s another advantage too. Having a set of “every day” stories is, well, every day, the people in your audience can relate to you. You telling them about when you swam 72 hours non-stop to get from one country to another in your role as refugee is inspiring but it’s also distancing. You’re too far removed from people’s every day experience and what they think they can achieve. They say to themselves “I could never do that”. They’re probably right.
On the other hand if you also throw in stories from mistakes you made in your job as a scientist; and some you’ve made as a mother… well then suddenly you’re more human again, more relatable and in the sense that you’ll inspire action rather than just the emotion of awe, you’re more inspiring.